Random Maneurysm

Was looking over Husband's shoulder when he read a random facebook comment explaining that someone was charged with a mistermeaner.

I laughed till I cried.

Twice.

At least it wasn't a fellaknee.

The Many Faces of Miss Loralei Jean

 RawR, Lorazilla is on the prowl! 

 Thank goodness for this padding!

 Work it!

 How many times do I have to tell you. No photos before nap!

 The paparazzi are relentless today!

 Dear Titi, Send cash, more toys, some chapstick, another basket to sit in...

 Destruction imminent. Hide all valuables and let the animals in their safe places.

Shucks. Ya caught me bein sweet.

Vegas: The Adventures of Kelsey and kate

Here is just some of the fabulosity that was November's Mother-Daughter-Sister-Golden Birthday Trip.  After all, if I show and tell everything I will brake the what-happens-in-Vegas rule. I'll drop some teasers just to inspire jealousy before sharing just a few photos.

• room service
• spa
• massage
• hot tubs
• sliced cucumbers
• wine
• Peep Show!
• serendipity = desserts
• shopping!

If you need tips for doing Vegas luxuriously, contact me!

 Starting Vegas out the right way with a cocktail and Starbucks.

 I introduce you to kate. She's in the bag. A kate spade bag in a kate spade bag. 

She is beautiful, but apparently camera shy.

Jamers and I. Happy golden birthday celebration to us!

She was 22 weeks pregnant when we were there.  She was excited to go to Kardashian Khaos. 

They were so super nice to her, Love them for it!

Inspired by a dream.

I was running in a field next to a cliff. There was a dragon with long orange spines to my left and a sharp drop off at least 10 stories down to jagged rocks and the crashing sea. The dragon was shooting his spines at me and I was ducking and rolling like the spryest of ninja. I didn’t have time to but I’m sure if I had looked down I would’ve been wearing Zelda’s outfit. You know, minus the pointy ears. Or something similar to a highland warrior with a kilt flapping in the breeze and dirk at my side.

Little did I know that the dragon was the least of my worries. As I edged closer to the edge of the cliff I saw a ledge jutting out no more than 30 feet from the water. I could see a swaddled baby laying alone on the ledge. As I watched, a mountain lion slowly stalked out of the cave that was just out of my sight toward the child. One more flying dragon spine was just enough to force me to leap from my vantage point down the side of the rocky cliff frantically scraping for a grip. I jerked suddenly as my fingertips gripped a small hold on the way down allowing me to recover only briefly before scrambling desperately down further toward the cat and child.

I landed with a thud in a moaning heap between the beast and the bundle with barely enough time to slither my way toward the screaming child and gather it in my arms before the cat leapt toward us. I was sure one of my legs was broken but the other had enough sense to lift in defense of my body and that of the baby at just the right angle and force to propel her over the edge of the cliff into the water below.

I crawled into the cave to provide shelter for the now calming baby and made my way back to the edge of the cliff to survey our possibilities of a safe exit. I looked up the 70 feet back to the field and imminent dragon encounter ruling out that possibility. Laying on my stomach I peer cautiously over the ledge to the water below just in time to see them circling. Patiently waiting for me to make the mistake of attempting a swim to shore were three huge, and huge for 30 feet away, sea monsters. They looked similar to sharks with hundreds of sharp teeth and pointy dorsal fins jutting out of the water but had to be some kind of mutant sea creature with flippered legs and 20 foot long tails equipped with spines.

I swallowed long and hard as though it would quench my body’s need for liquid and sulked into the cave to curl up with the child. We were the only people on earth, or whatever planet this was, right at this moment. The only two that mattered and had to survive. But for now, we both had no other choice but to sleep wrapped in our own warmth and temporary safety.

Ode to the Punkin

I will build you a tower as many times as you want to knock it down.
I will wash between your toes as long as there is gunk there.
I will pretend the mix-mashed carrots, parsnips and apple sauce is yummy as long as you like them.
I will crawl after you as many times as you want to run away and squeal.
I will clap and dance with you as long as you smile, clap and dance along.
I will wipe your perfectly squeezable baby buns as long as you need me to.
I will sing at the top of my lungs as long as it makes you smile.

I will stand on my head as long as it makes you laugh. Or until I get dizzy.
I will make funny faces and noises at you as long as you try to make them back.
I will provide you with grass to pull and leaves to eat as long as you find it fascinating.
I will show you your face in the mirror as many times as you say ‘pretty’ back to yourself.

I will love you.

Upcoming Mother-Daughter-Sister-Golden Birthday Trip!

Vegas Baby!

In celebration of next year’s golden birthdays (mine and my sister’s), my sister, mom and I are taking a trip to Las Vegas in 25 days.

I have been preparing for the trip for the last few weeks by shopping. Online window shopping, that is. You see, my goal in Las Vegas is to find, and purchase, the most fabulous kate spade handbag there is was and ever will be. I’m most excited to be able to carry my newly purchased kate spade bag in a kate spade shopping bag around the city with me. I may even skip.

Look for photos of me with my kate spade bag in a kate spade bag:

• Dining
• Sightseeing
• Gambling
• Seeing a show
• Avoiding the men on street corners who handout cards with naked women on them

Send me good shopping vibes!

One year ago...

One year ago today I began the day like any other by going to work dreading yet another three-hour meeting. I was 9 months pregnant with less than two weeks to go until my due date. We began our meeting at 9 a.m. on a crisp fall morning. I was having trouble concentrating and felt a little funny so I decided to take a little walk around 10 a.m. I walked out of the conference room and told Dawn I wasn’t feeling well so I was going to take a walk. Then I peed my pants.

Well, at least I thought I did. I stood there in the middle of our office and cocked my head to the side a little and said, “I think I just peed my pants!” Dawn’s hands went up to her mouth immediately and I ran to the bathroom. I could hear her yell in to Mary “This could be happening TODAY!” as I walked back and shut the door. I soon realized the issue wasn’t exactly resolving itself so I went back out to join Mary and Dawn.

I told them that I thought my water had broken and they suggested I call Husband. I called his number at work but he didn’t answer so I called the just-in-case-Husband-doesn’t-answer-when-I’m-in-labor number and his friend Mike answered. I tried to as calmly as possible convey the message to Mike that I thought my water had just broken and Joe should call me. I found out later that Mike immediately ran to find Husband, who was preparing for a potluck, and yelled “You have to go! Kelsey’s water broke!!”

Meanwhile, Dawn and Mary are helping me decide what to do next and after some exited squealing and jumping up and down (after which Dawn firmly scolded me) I was on my way home. I managed to get Husband on the phone on my way and thank goodness because he was in a panic that he wasn’t going to make it on time and headed straight for the hospital. I told him to meet me at home and we would go there together. We had plenty of time!

I was almost certain by then that my water had broken because by the time I got home my seat was soaked. We arrived at the hospital around 11:15 a.m. and they confirmed that indeed my water had broken and we began to activate the notification list we had painstakingly constructed as follows just before noon:

Once we know we are staying at the hospital (It’s time!), Joe will call the grandma’s and then (hopefully) the following will fall in place beautifully!
Step 1: Labor & Delivery
Mom: Call Jamie
Jamie: Call Tony (to go stay with Zeus) & Dad (just an FYI)
Mom & Jamie (my sister) will be on their way to be at the hospital for the delivery.

I’ll stop right here for a side note about what actually transpired regardless of our plan. Mom and Jeff were in Duluth on one of the first days of their vacation and the phone call from Husband came announcing “Thundercats are GO!” in true Juno fashion while they were shopping at the Duluth Pack store! Jamie was less than calm and messaged Tony something like “Jeff will stay with the dog so you don’t need to.” but failed to mention anything about me going into labor. Then, after booking her flight out, she called our dad and asked him to pick her up from the airport, again forgetting to mention me going into labor. Got to love her enthusiasm!! She was about to be a TiTi, after all!!!

My mom and Jeff arrived from Duluth in the afternoon and my dad and Jamie arrived in the evening. My dad sat with me while everyone else went and got some food. Throughout the night we played Boggle between contractions (I won, of course. And no, they weren't just letting me win because I was in labor. You don't know my family if you think they'd give up that easily.), took walks around and round and round and round the maternity ward and a host of other terribly exciting time-passing activities in hopes to spur labor along.

And a mere 19 hours after arriving at the hospital (21 from when my water broke)...

at 7:43 a.m. September 17, she was born. And our lives changed forever.

We love you baby girl! Happy birthday!!!